Dear Fathers, brothers and sisters,
Sitting typing with a cup of tea, it’s very odd to reflect that on this evening last year, I went to bed already feeling unwell, and woke up in the morning feeling that the world had somehow changed, and that something horrible had happened, leaving me aching from head to toe, exhausted and feeling under an impenetrable dark cloud.
I recall going to Sparrows café and commenting words to the effect that I felt like I’d been crushed, and later had to call upon Father Mark to come and collect me from Swansea railway station as I felt so horribly unwell… and then went to bed for three whole weeks.
We all now know what had happaned, but it’s strange looking back, and contemplating the events and also all that has happened since then, after the very fortunate black-out and collapse three weeks later, with blood tests and results presenting the reality of that unrealised heart attack in the delightful environs of Roath, after the fateful double-helping of Lebanese blancmange!
One could be morbid, but the year from then till now became one of enlightenment, learning and discovery, starting with the seemingly endless time in hospital, with uninterrupted hours for prayer, particularly when delirious patients, the snorers, or those suffering dementia made sleep an absolute impossibility. This was constant, and my resulting daytime exhaustion was the reason I was so resistant to visitors, and the well-intentioned barrage of messages.
Hospital was a blessing from the Lord, in being like a fly on the wall, observing the sufferings, fears and anxieties of others – encouraging them, comforting and praying for them. It seemed like there was no time to be ill in that whirlwind of noise, people coming and and going, bleeps and alarms, and the ceaseless turning of the prayer rope, between cups of tea and endless observations, tests and injections.
Having never been in hospital in my life, other than professionally – in terms of both healthcare work and priesthood – it was a great eye opener, and seemed a real gift from God, teaching very valuable lessons, not only about other people, but in terms of humility and patience. When we start to look for God in the events as they unfold, we see not only His will, but also His wisdom.
Such was the blessing and enlightenment of that hospital time, that I really think that I would go through the experience (though not the previour three weeks of heart-infection) again! We MUST look for the Lord’s wisdom and supra-worldly Divine Logic in what unfolds for us. It’s for a reason, and for our salvation!
The great thing during those weeks in hospital, was knowing that I was being raised up on an ocean of prayer, not only in Wales and across the diocese, but in the various continents of the world, and together with the approaching visit of the Kursk-Root Icon of the Most Holy Mother of God, it made it all abundantly clear that though things might be slow, all was to be well, and would be resolved – as far as possible – in due time. Trying to communicate this to some of our quite upset younger parishioners, was not easy, and I just wished it could have been possible to communicate God’s internal reassurance without being accused of not taking the situation seriously or being in denial.
The other great blessing was of having probably the most organised cleric of the diocese (apart from Vladyka!) as second-in-command… becoming first-in-command till the new year, with my only occasion serving in Cardiff being Ezra’s baptism.
We are greatly blessed that Vladyka ordained Father Mark when he did, very much through Father Paul’s encouragement, and the Lord’s prompting can very much be seen at work in the course of events. Father Mark zoomed into rector-mode, becoming an excellent parish priest until I could return to priestly duties in the new year. This is precisely why we need to be buidling up the next generation of clergy, whether that will simply be as readers, or as priests and deacons. Young men take heed. We need to be ready for the future!
I will be eternally grateful to Father Nenad and his wonderful flock for their quiet support during my period of rest and convalesence. Lazarica becamse an oasis of peace, where I could pray and help out according to my strength, surrounded by the relics of the saints, within a temple sanctified by the prayers of generations of the faithful – just as will happen in our new temple in Rhydyfelin. It was a great blessing to have time in Lazarica, and I feel the Lord truly blessed me there.
I must also highlight the immense care selflessly given by Father Luke in the post-hospital period, as he kept a safe and observant eye on me in that first month out of hospital. His companionship and cheerful positivity were wonderful and a great encouragement in easing back into normality – whatever that may be, in Llanelli. When a respiratory infection struck, I even had to beg him to not make me laugh, as it was so painful.
Our truly wonderful pilgrims to Georgia should be mentioned, together with the Georgian clergy (including Patriarch Shio and the wonderful Archimandrite Seraphim Bit Kharibi), the monastics and faithful who made our grace-filled days in the Caucasus part of a very great healing and transformation, with Samtavro being a truly life-changing place, at which we kept ending up, again and again. I have never been so happy and at peace as when in Georgia, and if being in that God-preserved portion of the Mother of God can be such a paradise, what must the Kingdom of Heaven be like? Thanks to our Holy Father, St Gabriel, our loving mother St Nino, and to St John of Zedazeni and the God-bearing Holy Assyrian Fathers for their great help and intercession!
Here, back at home, communities, whether in Cardiff, Warminster, Cheltenham and Llanelli… and by sisterly extension, in Bournville, overflow with love and compassion, and the care shown by clergy, brothers and sisters, coupled with the constant fatherly checkups from Father Paul, the filial check ups from some of our youngsters, the immense kindness and ‘milostinia’ from our sisters, and the practical support of our brothers, has made the year a radiant one, with the Lord shining though those who labour for Him, and show His love and kindness to the world.
May God bless you all, abundantly, as we look to the future with the anniversary of a trial being marked by the receipt of the contract to sign for our new temple, and the beginning of a momentous new chapter in the life of our community, just after the exceeding of our fundraising target – another great indicator of just over a year of love, generosity and selfless giving on the part of so many.
Glory to God for all things.
Asking your prayers, and thanking you for your immense love, care and support.
Низкий поклон Вам!
In Christ – Hieromonk Mark
